| (no subject) |
[May. 17th, 2005|04:25 pm] |
good afternoon livejournal. how are you? long time no see. though, lj is my homepage so i can keep updated with my friends. maybe i should change it to myspace since more of my friends do that now. but i dont know how to use myspace.
so school's out for summer. the real deal. not the song.
after a complicated process of getting my shit to storage without me being there i am staying with my dad's cousins in the middle of nowhere connecticut. though, i guess its not the middle of nowhere, its a substantial town. "Middletown" to be exact.
Matthew Cullinan picked me up from his home in Newtown, Ct (CT is sooooo clever with its names dont you think?). and he took me around to see the places he went as he grew up. the people he loved, the people he hung out with. it was all very interesting. and makes me sooo proud of where i come from.
anyways, the peole i'm staying with are cool. they really are. i just love to categorize peole though. i really think by the time you're middle aged you really get stuck in a groove and theres no way out. to give you some idea of who these people are:
these people have a stocked fridge. not with anything good. but its full. and there's not a single thing in there other than the orange juice that's open. seriously. the ketchup, jelly, bread, pickles, nothing is opened. not a signle thing. even the dinner knives have a styrofoam covering on them that i guess they replace after every washing. she's the type of woman that i guessed wore ob tampons. and i peaked through her stuff. i was right.
they have two dogs that are their babies. and they left the plastic covering on their computer monitor to keep the dust off. everything is spotless. and he looks like Raffi. seriously, its amazing.
it's 5 oclock and he's home. well 4:56. i guess he's a little early.
they dont even have spell check on their computer becaus i'm sure they look everything up in the dictionary.
i need advice. i can't wait to get home. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 26th, 2005|11:22 am] |
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i just got really bloody excited for some reason. i dont know why but a simple email can make my day. and possibly my week. and it wasn't even a super nice email. god. people have the ability to make someone SOOOO happy without even knowing. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 24th, 2005|05:47 am] |
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i love my birthday. as much as i think/feel i hate it..iactually love it |
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| walsh 501 |
[Feb. 3rd, 2005|11:14 pm] |
dance is the most amazing thing to be invented. ever. no it's not even invented. it just fucking comes out of human nature. its as natural as eating and pissing. i love it so much.
on another note...i hope i cant make it to the show in worcester on saturday. if anyone knows someone in boston/chestnut hill/newton/brookline who wants to go let me know and i'll give them company. i'll be fun to have around. i'll brush up on all my rad jokes.
beau comes to visit in a week. i'll have to figure out something bostony to do. like the freedom trail. ha. that's a joke. get it? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 29th, 2005|05:13 pm] |
i hate my random depressions. they make no sense ad they come on too strong. i try so hard to get myself out of it. music, laughing, joking. but once i'm in one im like stuck and i find that i cant demand myself to not feel it. i just have to wait it out. though laughing and joking make it bearable. it could be worse.
anyways, katie laase is here. i love her. she always has such a good vibe. she's so happy to be alive enjoys everything fully.
i realized i need to start seeing things from a wider perspective. most things really aren't that big of a deal. seriously. they're not. and most things in my life are relatively easy to fix. i have options. i have time. i have future. i seriously do. so why do i feel like i'm going to crumble?
i'm working on channeling energy. i think that help me begin to take out the "i" in my life. we should all live without that intrusive "I" that breaks up the world into decreasingly smaller and smaller subgroups all with their own, different agendas. so waht if a person reaches their personal goal? so what? they're not at the top of their ladder...how is that satisfying? why is that satisfying?why is that good? who gives a shit! im not making any sense.
anyways, taking out the "i" the "me" in the way i look at life. or life. how do i get there? i realize i am pretty easily over-looked. that might help me in the long run though right now it makes me feel pretty shitty. ok, now i'm just feeling sorry for myself which is NOT the right path to take becca.
we're gunna listen to the flaming lips four disc set tonight. zaireeka or something. i miss home.
leave me love. i need it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2005|11:47 pm] |
this is going to sound really gay of me but....
there are certain times where i'm so full of love that i don't know what to do with it so i just cry. i cried a lot today. have you guys seen hotel rwanda? i have never once in my life gotten up from a movie for any reason but this was too much for me to take. i was incapable of watching it as a movie and honestly felt that i was watching real life. i saw no one as actors i saw them as real people and no matter how hard i treid to put my usual "this is just a movie" block up i wasn't able to. i started crying maybe 10 minutes into the film and not once did i stop. after 2 hours of straight tears you'd think i'd run out. but no, my head hurt, my eyes were puffy as all hell but the tears kept coming. then right before i saw what they did with the kids in the UN car i got my ass up and left. it was too much. never have i experienced anything like that in my life. do you undersand that while that shit was going on we were living a relatively carefree existance...wherever. and when all the white people left...fuck dude. and the kids. and then the guy said "i wish i could have done more" and know what?? he meant it.
and i was really sad when i left that movie. and that's ok. and i wanted the people i went with to know that that's ok. if i "leave the movie in the theatre" the movie didn't serve its real purpose. it's ok to leave most movies in the theatre like or even other sad movies like say titanic (ha!) but a movie like hotel rwanda you do not leave in the theatre. you take that shit out into the world and you do something about it. i don't know what as long as its something. you make sure to take that out of the theatre. yes, it's a movie but it's not fictional. its not something that we should just be entertained by for 2 hours then go home and forget. i'm so lame. i'm like lecturing. anyways, i think you should see it. if possible in a theatre.
on other news. i'm sooooo tired but can't sleep. what else is new.
and it's snowing like balls here! blizzard baby. spossed to be the biggest since the 70's! pretty cool huh? we're suppossedly getting 3 inches an hour. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 21st, 2005|01:28 pm] |
People always say "how do you deal with the cold? is it hard? do you have a good coat?" The cold ain't shit. Its the side effects of the cold that they don't warn you about. For instance:
If you have a meeting at 10:50 for which you have to walk 40 feet outside normally, NORMALLY you would get up and leave at 15 till. normally. if it's 5 degrees outside however, you have to calculate the minutes it takes you to re-apply all the layers so instead leaving at 1045 you get up at 1042 to put on fleece, coat, hat, gloves, scarf. You then walk the 40 feet to where the meeting will take place and enter a very warm room. Since you are only planning on staying in that room for a few minutes at the most, you leave your layers on which can get pretty warm.
but what if you DO decide to take the layers off because say...you're in a classroom. Then you peal them off one at a time. right? wrong! its so much more complicated than that! which one do you take off first? The natural instinct would be to take off your bag. maybe. maybe not. depends on if your ipod cord is under or over your bag strap. and where your scarf fits into all of this. is that over or under the strap? the cord? Think now, what did you put on first? and did you wrap the scarf more as you were walking? which coat is your ipod in? the top one or the fleece? because more than once ive tried to remove my bag only to get completely tangled in...well everything.
moving on.
winter months dry out your skin and lips. not a problem. applying chap stick and lotion is not a hassle. BUT if you then decide to shield your face from the wind with your scarf you end up pulling off scarf hairs that stick to your chap stick and you'll have green, fuzzy lips ("green" here is a variable) until you wipe them vigorously with your hand or sleeve (which IS a hassle and kinda gross and sticky).
well those are my troubles. i just gotta get into a routine.
i miss everyone!! love you guysssssssssssss! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 18th, 2005|02:29 pm] |
i have such a good feelingabout this semester. im always a little skeptical to write anything like that down for fear of jinxing it (i'm a little superstitious i realized) but ive just felt a really good energy since ive been here. im a little more confident. i honestly think that being home instilled a little more confidence in me. i was like "oh yeah! this is what its like! im having fun" and i've transferred that feeling to school which i failed to do the past two semesters. i just know that i'm loved and appreciated at home and i'm so happy for that.
i also am realizing how many friends i have. maybe not close friends or best friends but friends that are close enough to want to keep in touch with and friends that are close enough for me to be really happy when i do see them even if the intensity of the feeling isn't reciprocated. i've got blurred vision friends like tess, tiffany, kahlil, cariann, will (who i didn't see) hovis, robin, ben, stanley, james, the beat goes on. then my culver high girls who always rock my socks.
tonia made my break. she's wonderful and i really enjoy spending time with her and talking to her. i hope she's happy how things work out.
jo literally makes me super happy whenever i'm around her. she's got such an amazing energy that rubs off onto others and makes everyone around her happy. im more than glad that we hung out as much as we did. even if we didn't go and do everything in LA that we said we would!
romy, sophie, heather, kat, jesse, tiff, shannon, everyone! i realize how cool these girls are and how lucky i am to associate with them and hang out.
and the rest of the culver crew. like i totally hung out with anna this break and talked a bit to cali. and saw wes and random culver guys. like chris cameron who has turned SO scene! haha. and nester who'se gotten even bigger and buffer than ever.
and then we got all the guys. most importantly jason and alex. every time i see them its like no time has passed. well that's not true i don't know why i wrote that. but i love both of them so much. i still consider jason one of my best friends. not becuase were especially close right now but just because of our history together. alex is one of the most loyal friends ive ever had. hes always keeping in touch and calling just to say hi and is down to hang out and is friendly and a good spirit. and he's for sure visiting me! in march! woohoo!!
then some gundo guys just for fun. maybe i didn't know how cool or nice vigil was until this break. and beau keeps going out of his way to see me (and my plays!!. tommy!) which is the coolest. and i saw david. he gave me a record. and sean and stryder and frekn pepe (who i will see in feb here!). shit. i even saw dean and fish. does anyone still call him fish?
if i forgot anyone its just because im not thinking clearly.
ok well i also have so far had an amazing day. 1030 class was kinda lame but i saw 2 hot guys and the prof is not bad. plus its a small class which i love. then choreography class. what more can i say? its THE perfect class for me. we choreographed something to a haiku. which was cool. and artsy. and then i had a break. ate lunch with the roommate face and now am about to go to acting II with friends! this semester will be awesome. |
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| can you say oh shit? |
[Jan. 18th, 2005|10:12 am] |
Current Conditions for Chestnut Hill, MA (02467)
Fair 7°F
Feels Like
-9°F |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 17th, 2005|03:07 am] |
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i just took a bath that washed away all my negative energy. now i'm going to sleep since i haven't slept a wink in 40 hours. literally. i didn't know that was possible for me. damn you go girl. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 14th, 2005|03:18 am] |
i had one of the greatest days of my life today. i'm so happy about it.i don't think there was a single bad thing about the day. too many awesome, unexpected things happened for it to not be the best day of my life. i can count like 6 off the top of my head. and i feel very content.
so i will leave you with a smile and a goodnight. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 11th, 2005|12:27 pm] |
i'm updating my livejourn with some excellent news. mikey, marky, glenn and canto will be joining bonnie, andrew and i an los angeles, california for spring break. wanna know why that's cool? because that means i'm returning for spring break. and ive already made a list of things to do. mike wants more than anything to see a taping of the price is right. we'll be doing that. jo is joining us. any other takers?
i am excited to go back to school though. but i want one more week at home. i can't believe how much rain we're having. like...i cannot comprehend it. last night we drove from cc to hollywood and back then to century city and the pot holes were terrifying.
ok well tonight i'm going to orange county to see candela and will return wed night or thursday morning.
what have i been doing? last night some combination of me, sophie, jo and tonia beat vigil and shannon at the tanner's games. then we had sushi. and saw half a culver city in that tiny restaurant THEN we went to the pleasure chest last night for sophie's birthday which was spossed to be really funny but instead was really awkward because it was me, sophie, jo and ton and then like 5 serious shoppers in their 40's so...we felt weird. in a funny way. like when you climb the ropes in gym class. upon returning we once again found ourselves at tanners. tonia departed and we tried to go to big5 but the closed the doors. then off to century city to see a special screening of "in good company" which wasn't bad. except that scarlett johanssen needs to just model and not act.
well...goodbye to all
CellarEcho: you are a boston face!
Bowlingfordan: lol
Bowlingfordan: you are a wicked cool face
CellarEcho: ah! you're a hella rad face!
CellarEcho: take THAT big-dig head! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 5th, 2005|07:34 pm] |
maybe its time to change my icon? i can change it to one of those silly pictures sophie put up on her lj from ice skating.
tried to memorize a monologue i found today. tried for about 3 minutes. got fed up.
can i take a couple seconds to complain about one of my friends from school? this kid needs some major major major counseling and probably a week of padded room time. on a scale from 1 to 10 he's crazier than aaron geeber. and everyone knows how crazy that can be. and now i'm stuck. i want to keep being friends with him but he's throwing tantrums and acting like an attention-starved 2 year old. he makes me feel guilty no matter what i do. never never never in the history of any reality tv show, any novel (fictitious or not) any story ever told has there been a bigger drama queen. and if it's a stage he's going through, fine. i've been dealing with it and will be happy to meet him on the other side to carry on with life. but if this soap opera doesn't fucking end soon than i misjudged him from the beginning and will feel very sorry to lose someone who was once such a good friend.
anyway, on a MUCH happier note: um. tigerheat tomorrow. who's in?
becca? check
jo? check
tonia? check
sophie? check
romy? check
andrew? check
matt? uncheck
bonnie? check
richard? check
anyone else down?
i want to take drawing. i just planned to take it all 5 semesters at bc so i can get to level 5. can i do that without an art major?
k later. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 5th, 2005|01:58 am] |
i get upset because whenever i get home its too late to talk to my east coast friends cuz they've already gone to bed.
tonight was super random. hung out with romy's mom's friends german daughter and then romy's moms friends hollywood son who didin't know each other. went to their house in westchester they had a pool table and a zoo. and a bar. i was standing behind the bar asking people what they wanted and i felt very cool. i want to take bartending classes. i think it would be a lot of fun. anyways, i left the place feeling ok. i've felt better but i feel sort of out of control while i'm at home. kind of like i'm not sure where i fit now. in high school i fit perfectly in the academy and hung out with random other groups and my boyfriend. but everything has been going haywire now. i guess its not that crazy.
anyaways, i think those pictures that sophie has on her livejournal are pretty sweet.
i looked up photo booths on ebay. no deal. too bad. that would have been mad fun.
goodnight. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 2nd, 2005|02:23 pm] |
new years always reminds me of some weird times. i made a huge fit on new years 1999-->2000 because i wanted to be somewhere cool but my parents didn't want me to go to an un supervised party because they thought i was an alcoholic. i can't even tell you how big of a blow up that was. an then the next night i ened up getting really drunk/faded anyways. i thought i had beat the system. its so funny though how i thought i was going to be out of the loop if i wasn't around for one party.
and then another new years i brought antonia to jason butlers house. i think thats where they started to like each other. im not sure though. maybe it was after that. all i really remember was jason stripping to blink 182.
and another new years where me and jesse kelly-latzer ran down my block with noise makers.
and 8th grade new years at snowboarding camp. i don't think anything special happened there. except gabby and jesse schulman hooked up.
oh and then ANOTHER new years at marc pepe's uncles house. i think i met david that night. and fallen angel played.
i know i've probably already talked about how much i love it at home. i don't think i would appreciate it as much if i were always home though. but i can come back and be so excited to see certain people and hang out with these different crowds. and see friends' bands. and see high school friends and academy friends and middle school friends.
when people come to visit me at school i think they might stand out. alex for instance. i remember when dexter came. he looked completely out of place. it was wonderful. better than wonderful. him and his crazy assed blonde dreads and candy covering the bottom half of his arms.
i love seeing let live play. im really pissed i missed final fight but hopefully ill see them play over my spring break. i want to see a dying dream again.
and i actually beat my brother in super smash brothers. only once though. but it was a glorious moment. let me tell you.
i get to see hovis/will/cariann/tess soon.
its so warm here. but its raining right now which kinda sucks. i think bonnie and i need to get one of those sun lamps to make us happier. becuase S.A.D. exists like no other for me this year. hopefully next semester will be amazing. cuz so far, i've had a GOOD time at school. G O O D. which isn't bad, but not as good as "great" and i want to have a "great" semester eventually and i don't want to have to wait for senior year. so..yeah. let's lift this "good" to "great". |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 30th, 2004|05:42 pm] |
ok going to venice beach makes me retardedly happy and slightly unnerved at once. i love everything it offers but its ridiculous how many times dudes came up to me asking if i wanted to smoke weed with them. "no thanks dude" "you sure girl? its good shit" "i'm sure it is, thanks but i'm cool" "damn. you're SURE?...aiiiight" i enjoy seeing the homeless men with their long coke nails do tricks for money "i'm goin' bak to da ilind tonite at 9:45 pm. dis is mi last show. im retiring dis shit" and then he does the limbo and jumps on broken bottles, cracks jokes and picks on this poor woman visiting from france and had no idea what he was saying. though i'd say he earned a good 50 bucks.
well, then i befriended "RaRa Supersta'" and bought one of his prints. they're beautiful. i didn't even ask for a lower price because i liked him and his artwork so much. it says "got sun?" and he taught me his handshake and wished me a happy new year. i promised him when i am rich i will buy a full sized original painting of his framed and all. and then someone asked if i wanted to smoke out with them and i started to wonder what would happen if i just said yes? i wonder if they have malicious intentions or if they honestly just want to hang out. i don't think i ever would say yes but i am curious to see where we would go, who i would meet, where he lives, how he makes money, the music he listens to and why he asks random people walking down venice if they want to smoke.
then there's always the weird guy with the cat eyes and the leopard speedo dancing with the metal ball and the naked african standing on one leg at the top of a 8 foot ladder holding live snakes with a large branch balanced on his head. and the poor tourists that don't know what country they're in anymore. and jesus freaks trying to preach over the loud mockery of anti-christians. and skaters annoying the muscle men annoying the cussing b-ballers annoying the wholesome families annoying the crack addicts!
ok gotta go. kaufmobo is here. we're going to a comedy show with the stanley brode. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 26th, 2004|12:31 pm] |
something happened last night that makes me wonder what the fuck happened. well, i guess nothing happened. but i'm still saying what the fuck happened. cuz whatever didn't happen was really fucking weird.
i had a good christmas. everyone must find the game apples to apples and play it for the rest of their natural lives. and then maybe some in their undead life as well.
i'm going to see final fight play today at the showcase. right after i come from my roommates party in woodland hills. i got a LOT of driving ahead of me!
and guys....my brother....amazing stories about him.
1) he made us all go to church on christmas eve because he's "searching". i guess my family doesn't give him enough spiritual guidance. i understand though because when i was his age i wanted to go to chuch too and then i wanted to go to sunday school. but my parents kind-of sort-of avoided the subject so i never ended up going. now theymight have to go through the same thing with my brother. but i think he stopped his "searchiing" after that mass.
anyways, at that mass i almost cried when the little children sang "a little drummer boy". he totally reminded me of billy from the polar express. maybe thats why i held back those tears.
2)my bro is all big into the war scene. he loves war. period. he knows all these war history facts, guns, attacks. he loves paintball and air rifles and war video games. yesterday in the morning we were all opening presents and pat was all quiet and melancholy sitting in the corner not showing much enthusiasm and so we kept asking "what's wrong" and he would say "nothing, i'm fine" until finally he said "it's just that...we're all here with our family and..." and he stopped. to sto his tears. and my dad suggested "are you talking about the kids in iraq?" and he nodded and held back his tears.
and i thought: fuck yea this is my brother. |
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| oh culver city, why are you 80 degrees?? |
[Dec. 18th, 2004|03:19 pm] |
it looks really cool when i check my grades and i have only A's. Then i realize that they are in theater lab and ballet. they don't really count. i want the rest of my grades to come out! why am i excited? that's lame.
guys! it's so warm here!!!! its beautiful! i've been doing laundry all day. 4 loads. i attribute that to the washing machines at school being significantly larger. it would have only been my standard cold cycle and warm cycle had i been home. at school home. not home home.
anyways, so guess whats gunna happen today? i'm going to see let live play and bonnie will come with me!! how exciting is that?! seeing bonnie out of her regularly scheduled programming.
so,
lait! |
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| HOT |
[Dec. 16th, 2004|07:02 pm] |
taking a break from studying to update my journal
update is as follows:
studying for history of theater all day. (read "history of theater" aloud as a thespian with an exaggerated english accent and appropriate, dramatic shakespearian gesticulation)
now, go back to being your boring, 21st century self
and i'll go back to the books |
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| and so it is...shorter story. no love no glory. no hero in her sky. |
[Dec. 15th, 2004|10:53 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | damien rice | ] |
ive come to the conclusion that feeling like this is the worst way you can feel. i'm not asking for a pity party (i love that expression) because its not a sad feeling or anything negative, or really anything degenerative. i wish i were sad because that feeling makes sense.
sometimes at bc i dont know who i am. its strange that i can be very sure of myself upon high school graduation and then begin to question it when i get to college. i question it and become wary of it, as if im being tested, but i still know that i dont change at my core. but sometimes i have to remind myself of who i am because some events cloud my qualities and i'm not sure people here understand that these qualities define who i am.
i'm a dancer.
i'm funny.
i'm a little conceited.
i'm energetic.
i laugh a lot.
i like music.
i tend to not trust people easily.
i'm smart.
i'm an atheist (in the strictest sense of the word).
but spiritual.
i hate the word 'spiritual'.
i'm creative and artistic.
i'm have extreme ups and downs.
i'm appreciative.
i'm sensitive and caring.
i'm ocd-ish.
i'm insecure.
i'm sarcastic.
i'm very liberal.
i like dark, goth-like styles.
i like "artsy" things.
(some of cheolseung's shows might cross the line though...)
yes, some of these things can change throughout my life and i hope some of them do. but that's where i'm at right now. if any of them are a surprise, then you don't know me.
so my elements lighting project went well. i kinda got what i was expecting because i didn't think i translated my ideas well onto the plot but i did learn how to do it i just was a little lazy in fixing things. well lazy isn't the right word. overworked is more appropriate. but i'm very pleased with my grade.
i just can't wait to get home. its warm, i have friends, i have family, i have a dog, i have the beach, i have a car, i'll have a good time.
i have a lot planned for the break:
i'm going to find new places hang out in LA by myself.
i'm going to chant every day.
i'm going to see bonnie.
i'm going to hookah bars and sushi restaurants.
i'm going to randomly see a lot of celebrities during my daily activities.
i'm going to those little, artsy theatre performances on fairfax.
i'm going to make friends with the traveling artists in venice.
i'm going to find "date my mom" being filmed and walk by the camera.
i'm going to ballet and flamenco classes like its my job.
i'm going to read all the series of unfortunate events books.
i'm going to see all my old friends' bands play.
i'm going to stop calling them my *old* friends.
i'm going to go to samuel french
i want to go to las vegas for a night. ("want"...not "going to" i can't promise that to myself.)
i'm going to make a lot of jewelry.
i'm going to take my brother surfing in the early morning and swim with the dolphins.
i'm going to take my brother to magic mountain.
i'm going to get my brother to admit to me he's been smoking weed and has kissed girls.
i'm going to paint the orange wall of my room with decorative designs. |
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